Random Thoughts and Camera Surprises

I wanted to get a few thoughts out of my head...I've got way too many floating around in there. Maybe if I write them down, I can sort them out better.

First off, I have been thinking about Cole. He is my dear friend Eve's little boy. He and Braiden are the same age, although Cole is a year ahead of him in school. He is always coming over to my house to look for bugs and water snakes in my yard and in the field behind me. He is quite the kid...so full of life! Almost three weeks ago now, Cole was hit by a cement truck on the way to school. He was badly hurt and flown to Primary Children's. It was very upsetting and I have worried so much about Cole and Eve. Fortunately, he is doing much better, considering the circumstances. Amazingly his head and internal organs were OK, but his legs were badly damaged. He has had major surgery to repair the muscles and tendons in his leg and foot. He will eventually regain the full use of his legs, but it will be a long, hard road.

I love Eve to death. Whenever I am down, I can count on her to cheer me up. She is so funny and has a fantastic outlook on life. She is one of the neatest ladies I've ever known and has such an amazing presence about her. My heart aches for her and her family, but I know she is strong enough to not only endure this trial, she will come out of it even stronger.

This experience has really got me thinking about the fragility of life. It easily could have been Braiden riding to school and been hit. Why was it her child and not mine? Every single day of life is so precious. Why do I take so much for granted? Each moment with each child is a gift. Why do I get frustrated at my kids so easily? Why can't I be more patient with myself and them? Why do I worry so much about the little things that don't really matter? I wish I had the answers to these questions, but I am trying to be better...Thanks for your wonderful example and friendship, Eve! You are in my prayers and I love you tons!!

Another thought is about my shoulder recovery. I was having a pretty hard time a few weeks back. I was hurting so bad, and I was really getting scared that I had either re-injured my shoulder, or that the surgery didn't work. The pain was as bad as it had been before my surgery and was just not getting better. I was very discouraged, frustrated, and feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. I was even a little angry that I couldn't do the things I needed and wanted to do. I wondered if I was just being too wimpy, and that I just needed to suck it up and deal with it. I returned to the doctor with these thoughts. He was quite concerned about my discouragement. He told me the shoulder itself was perfect, that it just needed more time to heal, and that the problem was that the soft tissue in my shoulder was extremely inflamed and we just needed to calm it down so it could heal. He gave me a shot of Cortisone in my shoulder (which hurt like ----) and sent me home. I didn't move it for a few days and I started to feel a little better, both physically and mentally. I think I finally figured out what I can and can't do at this point. I was just being impatient (me??? impatient?? never!!) and I needed to pace myself and my recovery.

This whole experience has taught me several things. First, I need to be more patient...with my body, with myself, and with others. Now, I'm not saying that I AM more patient, just that I have learned that I need to be. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I will ever learn to be more patient. Second, I have learned to rely on people to help me more. I am pretty independent and not being able to take care of myself has been a huge blow emotionally. It has been hard to let people help me do everyday things like my laundry, vacuuming, and dishes. My job is to be the mom and not being able to do my job effectively is really hard on me. I have neighbors and friends who will just drop in and clean something for me, or drive me places, or take my kids. I really appreciate their thoughtfulness and I'm trying to get better at accepting their help without feeling like a failure. This experience has also taught me to recognize the people who truly care about me. I had no idea that I had so many GREAT friends! That sounds bad, but when you have an experience like this, some people are really there for you whenever you need them. They really showed me and my family charity and I learned a lot about how to try to be in the future. The most apparent example of this is my mom, Janis. She literally dropped everything for me these past few months, including taking care of her two sick mothers. She has helped me with the kids, driven me to therapy, done the grocery shopping, made me dinners, scrubbed (and I mean scrubbed) my house from top to bottom...the list goes on and on. Words cannot express what that has meant to me. You are wonderful, Mom, and I love you so much for your outpouring of love and service!!

I'm happy to report that my shoulder is doing remarkably well now. I just needed to take it easy and let it heal. I still can't do everything, that will take several more months, but I now know my limits and I'm looking at the positive here. So, these are the mile stones that I'm very proud of:

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  I am sleeping much better, and waking up relatively pain free (HUGE improvement!)
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  I can tuck in my shirt and fasten my bra all by myself! (TMI, I know, but I had to brag because this one has been really hard!)
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  Driving doesn't nearly kill me anymore (or my children, for that matter). It was turning the steering wheel that was the kicker (steering is so overrated!)
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  I can sort of fix my hair without having to ice my shoulder for an half hour afterwards! (It's the round brushing thing--kills the shoulder every time, but it's getting better)
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  I can reach up, back and behind without extreme pain (but I'm still not supposed to do this very much)
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  I can lift anything less than three pounds! What is less than three pounds, you ask? Coke, of course, but not much else!

So there you go...my accomplishments over the past two months. I can't believe it has been that long. I keep telling myself to hold on until Christmas and by that time, I should be able to do almost everything again. I can't wait!!

My third random thought is just that...random thought. It seems that more and more that I can't seem to keep anything straight in my brain. I'm forgetting things left and right...dates, important info., things my kids tell me, you name it. It all goes in, then goes right back out! I completely forgot to take a quiz in one of my classes the other day. OOPS! How did that happen? What is going on with me? Is this normal? I'm a control freak, and sometimes I feel like I've completely lost any control I ever had. Fortunately, I have an extremely patient husband who knows I can be a freak of nature every now and then, but still loves me anyway. He is a huge reason I feel even half way normal, what an absolute sweetheart! I think a lot of this can be blamed on the fact that I have dealt with chronic pain and lack of sleep for well over a year now. That can really wear on a person. Thankfully, the pain is subsiding and the sleep is coming back. Hopefully, as my mother always says, "this too, shall pass". I'm waiting, Mom.

One last random thought. I just finished praising my mom for being the greatest thing ever, but now I have to scold her. She went with me to Costco the other day and exposed me to a very great evil....Chocolate Macadamia Carmel Clusters!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!! They are SO good! Dang you, Mom!! Why did you have to go and show me those little nuggets of joy? Why, when you know I have absolutely no will power when it comes to chocolate? How could you be so uncaring to my waistline? Maybe I will forgive you, but it may take a while!

Last, but not least, I wanted to share with you some surprises I found on my camera...I was downloading my pictures from Jackson and found these little nuggets...

Are you kidding me with this!!??!?? Apparently, my children do all sorts of weird things when I'm not around. I thought they just watched movies when they babysat, but obviously not! I don't know if I should be more upset with Lauren for dressing up my little boy, or with Ethan for allowing his big sister to dress him up AND put make-up on him! He is really going to kill me in later years for this! But I promise to not show these pictures to his high school prom dates or anything like that! I just thought it was both funny and scary at the same time...please tell me if I should be worried!

Wait! I need to add one final random thought...several of you have told me that you can't comment on my blog. I didn't know what was wrong, but I think I finally fixed the problem. So, just for experiment sake, please leave just a quick comment to see if it works. I'll be waiting for your feedback while I eat yet another cluster of goodness from Costco!